I stand in fear, gazing out the window, watching a man, who once was my husband for nearly 10 years. He is continuously bashing a dark green, heavy, flower pot over the head of his brother’s dog. The large pot finally smashes in pieces from the last powerful blow to the dog’s head. We are meant to be taking care of my brother-in-law’s dog for a few days. If this is how it is going to start out, I can’t bare to live another day. My stomach is tight with knots, my nerves I think completely shot, but oh, not over yet, he then proceeds to tie the dog up on an extremely short leash with no water in the melting Australia summer sun. I can’t witness this any more, I quickly slip away before he knows I have been watching.
Absolutely sick to near confusion of all possible right thinking, but for the one and only thought that does come to my head, “What if our one year old son gets reprimanded in similar ways when his dad chooses not to be happy with something he does one day? What will he do to him? I am shaking all over, my thoughts all jumbled up, wishing to just run away with my baby, to escape this grotesque vision that is now plastered in my memory bank. I quickly walk to my son’s room, to check on him, to gently place a kiss on his tender baby skin. He is down for an afternoon nap, fast asleep, lucky to not have witnessed what brutality just took place in our backyard.
I do not even dare to ask about the situation when my husband enters the house, afraid that he would know I was observing from the window. He instead storms in and tells me that the dog chased and killed one of our chickens. The dog is to remain tied up with no food or water for a couple of days. I clench my jaw, knowing that whatever this man says goes. I do offer the suggestion that it is extremely hot out, the heat too much, let alone no food or water. Wondering, “How could anyone could be so cruel?”
The mind is so powerful, at any moment bringing up memories of the past, haunting self with horrid images. Post traumatic stress disorder. Crying suddenly in a quiet room, or a room full of people. Walking along the street and a memory comes flooding back from just one look in a shop window, the sound of certain birds chirping happily in the the trees, the smell of a certain fragrance, the taste of specific food, the touch of another on a specific location of the body, the heavy weight of the soul when in a deep moment of silence or meditation.
Often times, the nervous system reacts even before the mind knows why. Thus dispelling shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, the rapid beat of the heart, the palms begin to sweat, the mind taking charge and replaying the same nightmare over and over, burning frightful images deeper into the mind, making what once was…..at times even more horrific. The body begins to go into a state of shock, of nervous fear, with the inability to think clearly, the body now in fight or flight. Not trusting self or others, afraid to go out in public, locking self away in a room, hiding under the covers in the bed out of a desperate need to comfort self, but completely lacking the capacity to do so. Worried that there will never be any rest in the mind, afraid of saying the wrong thing, feeling ashamed of all reactions that just took place in a matter of seconds, wanting to hide away and not open up to speak out for fear of hurting others in the process.
Post traumatic stress disorder, (PTSD) I have lived with this for nearly 17 years. The wonderful news is, I have discovered the art of healing the mind through the practice of many forms of yoga, through the wisdom of time, with insight and understanding to courageously reach out to help others on their healing journey as well. I have discovered on this journey of life to stand strong in who I am, to be grateful for the paths I have been on. Knowing that my experiences are not in vain as they are meant to bring a healing balm to the lives of others who too have suffered from traumatic life experiences.
I have written numerous blogs on my journey of holistic self-healing and all the amazing people involved in the process along the way. A missing puzzle piece, a most amazing discovery I have made, is the use of CBD oil derived from hemp, with zero THC. I started out with a 10 mg capsule each night for 2 weeks, then switched to 10 mg capsule in the morning for 2 weeks. I did not really notice any change until I switched to a 25 mg capsule taken each morning before the day begins.
I have lived incredibly in-tune to my body and the needs thereof, on this journey of self-care and healing. Thus, I am absolutely pleased to say that having suffered a life of chronic anxiety, I have not had thoughts of suicide, depression, horrid nightmares associated with PTSD or PTSD episodes. I will continue to take this capsule each day and continue my research of different products. I have also used CBD rapid cooling cream topically applied to bring about relief from pain that is stored in the body, on sore muscles, aches, and areas of tension. I have discovered great relief.
I have continued to do extensive research over the past 3 years in regards to CBD and other methods of relief from PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I have tested out many different products on myself making sure the products truly work. If you suffer from any trauma that is then carried and maintained in the body, I look forward to supporting you on your healing journey not only through a healthy yoga practice, but also through distribution of CBD products coming soon to Hummingbird Yoga Studio.
I am passionate about changing lives for the better so that each individual can truly live their best life, reach their highest potential, discover their destiny, and stay clear of self-limiting beliefs! Begin the rest of your life at this moment, in honor of your past, now free to step out into all the possibilities of your future. Join us at Hummingbird Yoga Studio today for a wonderful yoga class! Coming up, our Sunday Spa Day, October 27, 2:00-4:30 pm.